I have been in Baghdad for 17 months as of today. I have a (hopefully) short four months left. This last month and a half has been hard, and the last two weeks really hard. Two weeks ago I thought I’d see the man I love again in two days. Twelve days ago I found out his position had been eliminated and he wasn’t coming back to Baghdad – he didn’t find out much before that. While we were no longer ‘together’, I still love him and was really looking forward to seeing him again. The thought that I might never see him again filled me with pain. SO MUCH. It left this dark spot in me. However, we are still in contact and he assures me that we will see each other again – he will come visit me in Washington DC once I get settled. That seems so far away. I want nothing more than to be in his arms again. I can’t imagine loving anyone as much as I love him. However, I know I need to try to start to move on. Que sera sera… I’m slowly, SLOWLY, working this out in my head. It’ll take time, and it won’t happen overnight, so I just have to be patient with myself and try to have fun in the meantime. As I’ve said before, and many will say after me, dating in the Foreign Service is not for the faint of heart. In a word, it sucks.
As well as him not coming back, I have a lot of friends here that are leaving due to the ‘right-sizing’ of the embassy and their own positions being eliminated. Since I arrived before the military left Iraq, I’ve seen quite a few changes around here. It’s a never-ending change – you go on vacation and so many things are different in the short span of a few weeks when you return. But I think the changes going on right now are some of the most drastic that I’ve seen in my time here. It almost makes me want to leave early too…but four months should go by fast, especially with two more trips out before I go. It’ll be over before I know it. Right?